The Holiday Triad

Author: Paul Johnson

The holiday triad is upon us: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Kids often focus on the two where something received is anticipated: candy or presents. Adults are keenly aware that purchasing and preparing is what is required. The season can be filled with hope, anticipation, excitement, memories, disappointments, tension, nervousness. We look forward to being with certain people, stressed by the presence of others, aware of those who are elsewhere or gone forever. For some, the season is the most favorite time of the year; for others, it is a time of dread. In it we can find great fulfillment, intense loneliness, or most often some mixture of them both. The holidays are, well, the holidays, conjuring up its own meaning in all of us, intensifying feelings or perceptions held throughout the rest of the year. Most often though, we become aware that each of us have a strong desire to be with others, someone, anyone-we want to be connected.

Larry Crabb, author of such books as Inside Out and Connecting, wrote in his book, The Safest Place on Earth, that while on a walk with his wife in Miami, FL, upon passing several retirement homes, he noticed that on the large porches all of the chairs were facing forward, with nary a one turned even ever so slightly toward a neighbor. This turning, whether slight or overt, would have represented conversation, an opportunity for words, thoughts, ideas, and life to be passed back and forth; connection. Yet all the chairs faced forwards, its occupants disconnected.

Every cell within us screams to belong, to be a part of something, specifically, a family or a community. No one truly wants to do life alone. Oh, we may have extraverted or introverted needs to be with people or to be alone in order to rest, recover, or restore, but beyond that, we want to be with someone. Is it possible that during the holidays, what we seek to exchange as represented in the variety of treats, feasts, and gifts, is really one another? And that the disappointment or loneliness or hollowness we feel stems from settling for less or not connecting at all? Or perhaps the vibrancy and the refreshment and fulfillment we experience come because we were able to establish such a connection with others or another?

Throughout the year, notice your desire to be connected. But even more so, in this holiday season, as you take time to buy, give, cook, eat, treat or trick, also pause to recognize that what is really wanted is the voice, the touch, or the presence of another. And in noticing, take the effort to reach out or be reached to. After all, it is what you really want.

To talk further about these topics (or others), or to further explore the turning of your chair toward another, please consider Samaritan Counseling Center for your counseling or consultant needs. You may reach us at 205-967-3660, or visit the website at www.samaritancc.org.

Paul Johnson is an associate marriage and family therapist and associate licensed counselor at Samaritan, as well as the executive director.

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